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Originally Posted by AShadow721
It was not your fault googley! A lot of abusers want to blame the victim, so that they don't look like the one that is wrong. I'm sure she felt guilty for what she did to you, and so she had to blame you to make her feel better about herself. If the others were also blaming you, it may have been because they thought child abuse was okay and you were in the wrong, or they may have just not wanted her to hurt them too, so they put it all on you. It is NEVER the child's fault, no matter if you were a teenager. You were still a child, one that should have been cared for and protected. She should have gone to counseling for her self, so that she wouldn't have hurt you. She could have learned how to deal with her anger outburst, so that she could have been better to you. You did not deserve the abuse at all, you were innocent and so was she until she decided to carry on the family legacy and abuse you, instead of getting help for her issues. No one stopped it probably because they were scared. When there is family at hand, not many people want to speak up against them. You will work through this someday and things will get better.
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The sad thing is that she did go to therapy, and it didn't seem to help. There was one session that I was forced to go with her, but all she did was lie. Then I got yelled at about everything I said in the session. I refused to ever go back. It didn't help that when I was able to start seeing my own T she told my parents that my distress was because of "teenage angst". No I don't think it was "teenage angst" that was making me feel suicidal. Lots of help there.
. I hate my life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sharon123
Abuse is a CHOICE....always a choice.
A lot of people were abused as children (like myself), but we became conscious of what happened and broke that cycle.
Hugs, Sharon
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I'm always scared that people are going to criticize me for being mad at my mom for what she did. Somehow that her being abused then gave her a free pass to do whatever she wanted. My dad sure seemed to think that way, or he was just so glad that she wasn't yelling at him as to not care at all what she did. He would stand up for himself but do nothing to protect me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BashfullOne
I was an abused child, my mother, I thought, was the most miserable person on the face of the earth! I heard it all - it was my fault for being born, for living through what the doctors told her was going to kill me at 3 weeks of age.... I heard it all!
But I finally found peace within when I finally forgave her for all the misery she put me through for years and years; I forgave her for all the issues she has caused me - no self esteem. I even forgave her for passing on her Bi-Polar to me!! I could have been just like her, but I did break the cycle of abuse. Now I'm in the process of trying to heal all the damage that she cause to me mentally and physically. But when I forgave her, really forgave her, I felt so much better! I felt a layer of darkness lift away from me.
Forgivness, REAL Forgivness, is a "healing" process.
I'm a good mother and so proud of the way my two sons have turned out! My husband and I (ME), did a really good job!!
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I don't know that I could forgive her. I'm still being bombarded with these negative messages whenever I have contact with her. Am I supposed to continually forgive her when she does things since she keeps doing the same thing over again. It is not like she thinks she has ever done anything wrong. And no one else will confront her. Maybe I could forgive her if she stopped her behavior or she apologized, but that isn't going to happen anytime soon. I feel like my anger protects me from having a lot of contact with her and from letting my guard down. I went to my grandfather's funeral a couple of weeks ago and she had the audacity to call me fat. I know she has issues accepting her weight but I am just fine with mine (well most of the time anyway.) It's like she does whatever she can to tear me down. Am I supposed to forgive this ongoing behavior? At what point am I allowed to say "enough is enough"? That I am sick and tired of dealing with her and never want to have contact with her again? Everyone says that good children love their parents and support them and everything. I tried to support her when I was a kid and all it got me was pain and grief. Though without my support she wouldn't have been able to get through. When is it my turn to have support? (besides that one hour a week I pay my T for?) I don't feel like I can trust anyone because I'm always looking for the hidden motive to hurt me. They taught me I can't trust anyone. Because if you trust them they will hurt you.