I didn't think you were being mean in any of your posts... it seems more like you're just frustrated with the process. I think you explained yourself well. It's hard to make abstract thoughts concrete enough to type them in a post, but I think you did well!! Again, it's a process and even though it sucks, it's most likely that it will continue for the rest of your life. That's just the black and white of it. I often have to tell myself the same thing, but it doesn't necessarily make it any easier.