I suppose she really didn't care to change. I know that some people are so damaged, that they don't want to be fixed because they feel that is who they are. After being given the opportunity to change and not changing, no one can really blame her up bringing. She definitely did make a choice over and over. Did she even admit to abusing you at therapy? I'm sorry. I'm sorry about your horrible experiences going to therapy with her and afterward. It is so wrong that she hurt you for speaking your mind. Of course she would blame your "teenage angst", she needs to point fingers at anyone and anything, but herself.

I will tell you something, my father blames me for everything (and somethings he also blames my mother for, he blames her for only thinking about herself, simply because she wasn't thinking about him 24/7). He blames me for him beating me, he blames me for him yelling at me, he blames me for him sexually abusing me when I was a kid (because I sat on his lap, like any young child would do with their parents that they thought they could trust), he blames me for being angry and scared of him because of the abuse, he blames me for not forgetting about it completely, he blames me for not speaking to him for 8 years because of the way he treated me, and causing him depression, he blamed me for him stalking me after I went to live with just my mother. Now he blames me for the mold in his house, his "missing forks" that were probably dirty in the sink, and drinking the alcohol that he drank. Now he wants me to buy him new bottles. I don't owe him anything. After all this, I realized, he just needs to blame everything on everyone else. Now when he tells me things are my fault, I just say "whatever, okay...". I know he is just crazy and none of this is my fault. This way I let my anger go about that.

After all, when you know the truth that's all that really matters. Our parents can lie to themselves and try to believe that it's someone else's fault, but I'm sure they know it IS their fault. Arguing with them isn't worth it, they'll just remain pointing fingers at others. That way they can validate their abuse in their minds, and try to think they did nothing wrong. After communicating with my father again after so many years, I realize he's not going to change, there's no hope for him. I just have to move on with my life without him in it.