I'm having a pretty tough day myself, and not feeling exceptionally articulate, but I wanted to say one thing to you. You are being the best mother that you can be RIGHT NOW, and as much as I beat myself up about that every single day (I am a new mom with a 7 month old), I know that there are so many children who are not lucky enough to have a mom who cares how they treat their children, or cares how their children feel, let alone care enough to want to get help and change for the ones they love (and themselves). So, while going through this process of discovery, try to accept where you are TODAY and know that LOVE is the single greatest gift we can ever give our children. And I have no doubt that your children know they are loved. <3 (((huggs)))