I know this is going to end up rambling into non sensicle. Usually
just read, dont post often, have hard time putting things into words,
and just reding things here have really helped, thanks to all. So
far have realized have eight others i am aware of, and T says he has
seen some (that i didnt know about). Its like i/we are always
sabatouging ourselves. Get hopeful, then blow up, lose days again.
Dont deal with little stuff at all.

guilty about everything, paranoid, scared. Afraid another part will
take over again and god knows what will happen. Last time i ended up
cross country, with no idea how or why or anything in between.
Family doesnt see anything 'odd' about my lousy memory, thats its
normal. so the only one in RL i can talk to is T.

while we used to all get along quietly for the most part, now its
like, everyone wants out, even the kids who dont talk or stutter.
Blanky has re-appeared again.

It really feels like we are just going totaly nuts. Understand that
this is a 'normal' part of TX, but that doesnt change anything. I
just wish things would be over. dont know who i am anymore (not that
i ever did). dont know what part of me is me. does it even really
matter?

i'm 47, and by the time we get ourselves together, i wonder if it
will be worth the time spent to do it? on the other hand, parts of
us say YES.

Sorry so long, just needed to air out a little, i guess. i hope at
leat some of this makes sense some where. Like is just like a big
storm passing through with heavy fog right now.

Shelley and the zoo