Does anyone get this, people know what to expect from you - awkwardness or you push them away sometimes even though you don't want to, then you beat yourself up for pushing them away. The horrible, chronic lonliness pangs just bite you out of nowhere which gives you that horrible gut renching feeling in the pit of your stomach, you don't know whether its life or death and there I am curled up in bed staring at the wall because I don't have any friends and have to pretend to be cheerful so people don't freak out. Gosh its dreadful. I just want to sleep. I genuinly do everything wrong, it doesn't matter how deep the pain is inside, I am a forgotten person, just a number, it breaks my heart, not to feel wanted or liked or that people don't know how to be around you or how to take you, I am feelin terrible today, nothing feels real, I don't feel real, everyone has their own lives and I am unable to cry, I have cried so much, there are no more tears left inside me