So, I was invited over for Valentines (to my mom's) for dinner, dessert, and gifts for both the cat and I. So... i brought the cat and I over (at her request for visitation rights on the cat).
This reaffirmed just how toxic any environment with her is. And it is SO hard to put into words when it is not overt physical abuse. It was like walking back into the sticky web.
My cat didn't know what to do. He just lay down on the floor and looked confused. At some point he walked around, looking at all his old haunts; his old chair, where his box used to be, where the food dish was, his hidey hole under a different chair in the corner... who ever said cats only have a 16 hour memory haven't owned them. He dissapeared (refused to eat his Valentine supper) and I found him sitting on the floor, in the dark, where my bed used to be. When I went to him he cried and leaped into my arms, purring, wrapping his paws around my neck. He wouldn't purr when mom held him.
I knew I had to take him home. I had been there 2 hours too long and had a heart sick cat. Mom couldn't believe we were leaving. I said "Look at him! He's ill! He won't even eat!" This is a 15 pounder whose never turned down a meal. And now he was laying by the door, clearly indicating we needed to leave. Soon. I thanked her for the dinner and started packing up our gifts; cat food, kiya food, a disk towel and pot holder, and some flowers. Mom said she had to carry him to the car - once there he again leaped into my arms.
Mom cried.
We left.
Once on the road, my baby had a totaly panic attack, crawled into my lap, and started hyperventlating. I had to pull off the road to get him calm. After an hour at OUR HOME, he threw up. Then he was able to eat some. I told mom I'll not do that to him again. He has clearly adjusted to this new place better than I have. He LOVES it. I am taking my cues from him to NOT think "we had it good back there".