Thank you, Sarah (((((safe hugs)))))

sometimes it feels like no one can understand what we're going through at all, i feel so isolated here. sometimes i'm sure that it makes me feel worse instead of better to post what i'm goig through here. i wonder if others ignore, or read and gasp, thankful that it isn't them. When i read it- i always am shocked and wish it wasn't my writing.

i'm very afraid. i never get used to having DID.

my T doesn't believe in 'contracts' for safety. He probably knows that i'm not capable of all my parts keeping them and it would mean we'd be without a T at all.

The place that treats DID- where my T works won't take me anymore. We had a horrific stay there . our parts switch according to the place we're in- work, home, outdoors. Inpatient stays - we become so much worse. T reminds me frequently that i can't go to his hospital. it makes me feel as if even he doesn't care about me. His hospital won't allow us to come anymore because of all the problems- i know that they made everything so impossible with the bad meds and the forced seclusion and medication. T didn't stand up for me.

i wonder what people think here- whether they would rather not read my posts - i feel left out of everything. i don't have any more opportunity anywhere. no one can help me- even the DID treatment inpatient units.

five years ago i was a 'normal' mom that had upsets every 10 years or so, my life was totally given to God'd wok for my life and i lived by every word passed down from the pulpit of the ministry i went to and had no problems because the thinking was derived from church. A problem happened at church and the disallusionment split us apart, the teacher in college noticed the DID and it was straight downhill from there.

Now i'm the worse case even the researchers ever saw. i'm not used to being all split up and it's so scary and unfamiliar and feels too bad to be true.

Especially the physical problems.i never knew there was severe chronic pain like this aside from terminal cancer.

i wonder what everyone really thinks about me- here and what my T thinks- i was doing so well before i found out i had DID and now pretty much untreatable.

To have the physical pain not treated adequately is nothing short of the worse horror i ever faced.

i never would have ever thought that this would happen to me. i'm totally dissasociated from this person that writes here that doesn't even have any family or friends.

It feels like everyone else is also- but maybe that's the way dissociation works.

i'm lost, in pain. without a dr to help me. Everything is impossibly shattered and i don't know if i can make it one more day- and it's felt like this for almost five years.

kerria
please- can somebody try to help me? please Try to Fix all the pain and dilemmas?