I placed my post on DID Topic and wanted to include it here as well. . . thanks.

Although DID is a common condition (perhaps as common as one in 100), the combination of PTSD-DDNOS (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder-Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) is the most frequent diagnosis in survivors of childhood abuse. These survivors experience the flashbacks and intrusion of trauma memories, sometimes not until years after the childhood abuse, with dissociative experiences of distancing, trancing out, feeling unreal, the ability to ignore pain, and feeling as if they were looking at the world through a fog, but not a complete formation of an alter system.

I came across this definition online and was really amazed that it was the best written I’ve seen for what I have which is a combination of PTSD-DDNOS. It’s amazing to go along in life as though all is well and then do a heart-check (quiet time/devotional) and have everything turn upside down. I’ve come through so much in life and there are so many areas which have changed and developed far beyond what I imagined. Healing has been slow but steady. After 1 ½ years of intense therapy and 2 years of 12steps for codependency I developed a very strong support system. When my support system moved on (therapist & friends moved literally out of the area) I crashed. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to that state again as it caused allot of pain and abandonment issues as they left. I feel a million miles away from where I was at my best; at the same time I’m still moving forward. But there are moments that come and leave me feeling more real then I’ve felt the time before and the reality of who I am and where I am and what I’m responsible for in my life comes crashing down like a ton of bricks. Then silently and reluctantly I grab my little stuffed animal (in an age regression), and tremble as I fall asleep. Seems like I go through spurts as if it’s all behind me and then I realize I’m still me, still healing, still on a journey of a lifetime. I don’t share this with any new friends but I feel so different from them. So I log-on and search out the familiar, this site, some connection, a life-line to pull myself up and in and together again. I search out someone that reminds me that I’m not alone in this walk, this sand and sandal journey. Feels like a giant apple inside and I bite off what I can chew (feel the feelings that come up) then go on ‘til another time. But once in awhile I feel like someone takes the apple and like a button something goes off and reminds me it’s all there deep down somewhere, ready to be let go, one feeling at a time. Yet the vision and feeling of the ‘whole’ pain is agonizing. I should be asleep now but I had to write this before it escapes me, the feelings numb up fast. I guess I just needed to share and say that if you’re going thru life, as all is well, then you fall on your knees in the middle of nowhere at no uncertain time and cry uncontrollably and deeply – well, I know your pain. I’m so many things in life (all I do, all I’ve done), but ultimately I’m just me. Like a grain of sand I’m here, and if I were a crab I’d be peaking out, at you, to say, “Hey, you here?”

- dandelion