I know what you mean. I feel like that every day. When people get close, I freak out and run. I'm even theming my work-in-progress tattoo around it, because it's such a large part of my life. There's a lot of symbolism in it.

I feel very lonely too. I wish I could help you make sense of it, but I haven't made sense of it yet myself. Still, I'm here if you'd like to talk.