Your problems are not stupid, you just feel like they are because you have been abused and you are used to no one caring about your feelings, but there people do care and don't feel like you are wasting their time. Don't you see that we are taking the time to read what you have to say? I care, because I have been there and know the feelings you have been feeling. There are people like me who find happiness in helping others. Some parents, especially abusers and neglecters seem to only care about their own problems and that can make their children feel like their feelings and problems don't matter. Well, you know what? They do. You do matter and so do all your feelings and problems.

You need to find a professional to talk to since you are getting worse and feel like there's no way to stop and your not getting any help from home. You know, I think you should try talking to your grandma. She may be in a lot of pain, but she's probably also very lonely and could use the interaction with someone she loves. Maybe she would like to help you. I'm sure she could understand the pain you feel, and would like you to not be hurting. I can understand your mom is controlling, and you are probably scared to disobey her or tell her how you feel. I don't really know what you could do about that. Just work on getting enough money to leave once you turn 18.

Yes, there is a law that the counselor has to tell if you feel like you will hurt yourself or someone else, or if someone is hurting you. You can tell her about cutting, but you will have to sign a paper saying that you will not hurt yourself. I believe it is mostly about SI though. If you sign that paper, she is not allowed to tell anything. Individual therapy is supposed to be 100% confidential, excluding current or possible future violent acts. I can understand your fear of trusting people, but most therapists are the most trustworthy people you will ever meet. I found it very hard to trust therapists until I really needed too. You have to take the risk to trust one so that maybe she can help you get better. You were so strong to survive and deal with the physical abuse as it was going on. You are strong enough to do this for yourself. You really need to work through the original problem, what made you want to start hurting yourself so that you can stop.

I can understand not wanting to do anything else. I have felt at times that cutting was my only option. There was nothing that could make me feel better. I didn't want to stop. I couldn't comprehend how other people thought it was possible for me to do something else instead. But I had the worst depression when I was cutting. I think it just made me feel so much worse. It helped me to just wallow in my depression. I can understand that taking a bath is not a good idea, try sitting in the shower instead. Think about sunshine and smiles. You need to get out in the sun. I know it's winter, but the sun still comes out. Did you say if you are on medication yet for your bipolar? If not, B vitamins and Omega-3's are really good. I also find fruit juice to help me when I'm depressed.