My goodness.... insult to injury after insult to injury if your speculation is true. As hard as it is absorb all this drama the more distance you get the more you will see the blessings.

As for motherhood you have plenty of time. I was 39 when my precious came into my life so don't be fussing about a missed timeline. One thing I learned in my experience is the importance of picking a father when picking a man. I think a lot of us neglect that very critical aspect of sealing a long term relationship and parenting partnership.

Thinking more about your journey with Mark I can see how Mark represented a healing time in your life. A seasonal friendship for recovery with someone who prepared you and then set you free for a lifetime with someone who is mature enough and stable enough to be the father of your future child's dreams.

You may have some attachment and other issues with your own father that Mark represents and now as you prepare yourself to be a woman and a mother you are moving into a new phase which will require you to find a different sort of man. Otherwise you will relive those same male related issues again and they may not be in your best interest nor that of your children.

I hooked up with and had a child with a man very much like my father and looking back I can see why I was unable to be my own person in that relationship. He needed to let me go after 16 years so that I could find myself again and be the strong, independant and principle centred person he fell in love with. Not to come back to me but to allow me to be me again. He took away my strength over the course of our relationship even though that was not how it started or what he intended. It had been bread into me I think and the similarity between him and my father progressively transformed me into that submissive repressed girl who struggled to please and win approval at the cost of my own identity. I love my father and I love my ex but too much of either of them is not healthy for me. I digressed. Racing brain tonight. Can't stay on track for nothing. LOL.