Is your grandmother your mother's mother or your father's mother? Most of the time abuse runs in families. I don't think that she wouldn't believe you, but I think she might get offended or tell you it's not as bad as you would tell her it is. But of course, when we are abused, we typically make yourselves think it's not that bad so that we can deal with it. Maybe you don't have to tell her about your cutting, maybe you could just tell her about how upset you've been lately. I know you'll tell her what you feel like you can tell her.

I'm sure you could get your own therapist on your own. You're your own person. I don't think you need your parent's permission to talk to someone. But talking to the school counselor would be better if you like her since it's free. If you ever bring up feelings of harming yourself, the counselor will ask you to sign a paper to promise you won't hurt yourself. I signed hundreds of papers like that, my mother was never told about it, unless she was there with me. But that was at a regular therapist office. But yes, you can tell the counselor anything and she will not tell anybody. Therapist are there to listen. They are paid to listen. They went to school to understand just about any problem you could have. They have talked to cutters before. They understand all the feelings you are feeling. They know it's hard to stop and they'll help you find out a way to stop.

There are reasons that you started hating yourself and wanting to die. It's goes farther back than that. When you were a baby, you loved yourself and wanted to live. You wanted to live so much, you probably didn't want to sleep. Something happened in between there that changed your mind. That is what you need to work through. Hopefully you could get on medication eventually. Hopefully, if you talk to your school counselor, she can help you form a plan of what to do. I believe B vitamins (B-Complex is the best, if you can't find that B-12) help with depression more, and Omega-3s helps more with stress. Tuna fish is a good source of Omega-3 if you like that. There's also something called Sam-E, which is like an anti-depressant, but I think it's a vitamin too.