thank you dragonskin it is all very hard for me tounderstand but i think i got some of it. but I can't make shula and elsie understand cos they are not listening to anyone right now again. maybe ruth will find a way to help us all when we see her tomorrow. that's if she wants us to talk i'm not sure if she does or not. i'm not even sure if i want to talk to anyone else it's a scary thing doing it when you haven't before or not when you have decided to and let the other person know who it is.

Big C can sometimes help us feel safe. but we need other people too but i know what you mean bout it being tied up with loving.

thank you
alice