Hello, I am new here...I have a problem and I know what the answer is but I feel like Im going insane.
The problem starts like this. My boyfriend and I have been together, and living together for 3 and half years now. We were 22 when we hooked up. One hobby we had was drugs, alot of drugs.....eventually we started taking alot of opiates...ALOT...It was expensive, It caused me to be depressed and generally very unhealthy feeling..My boyfriend did not experience these symptoms as far as he will admit anyway. Eventually, at our 2 year mark he initiated HEROIN. I said NO!!! but he eased it in and I had no control...So eventually I did it. I main lined 2 times, the second time I went to the kitchen to get a coke and woke up in a hospital bed with an iv in my arm. I overdosed. that was when I said ENOUGH!! What am I doing!!!! so I stopped. it has been a year now since that has happened and my boyfriend has persisted to use drugs. I never know what though, heroin, pills, he acts the same on all of it and he LIES LIES LIES LIES. Ill say " you look messed up, what did you take?" NOTHING he says, over and over....and you can imagine where it goes from there. This is constant, more than twice a week I find myself wondereing if he is on something. He won't stop and more importantly, he has lied to me soooo much that I don't trust him. He doesn't take responsibility for anything. His mother has supported him up until now. He is in air traffic control school now and fears that if he gets a job he wont be able to see me and it wont work around his school schedule. He does physically train a few people here and there for extra dough.

I want to leave him. I love him though and he will beg and blame, saying Im a hipocrit because I used drugs too. But Can I live without him?? He is funny and we get along so great except for the drugs and lying, oh and the not being a responsible adult. Will he ever stop? I think I just need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing. I can't imagine my life without him but all I know is I just want to trust him and I want him to be able to see how he is hurting me and his self with his drug problem, which he completely denies he has.. How can a person take a drug and be ok with repeatedly lying about it day in and day out.....what is going through his head??? he doesn't cheat on me and he doesn't go out with his single friends, he a good cuddler, he always answers his phone when I call, he doesn't treat my like an alien when Im hormonal or pms-ing, he likes to travel like me, he is so smart and nothing about him repulses me except for the drugs...he could take a poo in front of me and it wouldn't gross me out..I mean doesn't that mean something??? My love is unconditional but damn it I can't live this way!! I used to know for sure he was the man I would spend my life with. It was that feeling you get when you know, the one everyone talks about...they say " oh you'll know if he is the right one" well I used to!! DO I just ignore that and chalk it to electricity and the newness junk?? Geez, like I said, Im going insane!!! I know this was a long message, I just need so help