I feel like I'm sinking and falling back into that deep black pit with no light. I ended up spending money that I don't have yet - well, took it from savings, to buy a replacement sony reader as my old one is going to crap on me. My husband told me to order it, I did, then he went off on me big time in front of my best friend who is also my son's girlfriend... I felt like I was an inch tall. I told him I canceled the order and he got mad and told me to reorder it right now! Well, it was too late to cancel and he said good. Just keep it.... Why did he do that to me??? He makes me feel so useless, worthless, and selflish and stupid!! Right now I just don't want to be - I want so bad to not wake up tomorrow.... Plus there are money issues that always fall on my shoulders. I can't work be cause of my disability - I can't even leave my house, I have about one friend and see no one and talk to no one but my husband, son, and his girlfriend (about once every two weeks), other wise I'm friendless and homebound. I'm so darn lonely.... But I'm afraid of people - they always stab me in the back. Everyone said I'm too nice, I need to grow a spine.... Why should I be crule or mean to people? I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I'm too nice, I'm withdrawn, I have all the finances on my shoulders, and get belittled when the mood strikes him. I don't want to live any more....but I won't do anything stupid. Stress is not what I needed now. For once I was feeling up and happy - and I just got slapped back down to depressed again.

Sorry for going on and on... I just don't know what to do. I even took an extra med to help me sleep - I don't want to feel right now. Thanks for listening to an old lady ramble... I just don't understand why he did that to me... Because of me we get a huge tax refund - I worked on it for hours and get knocked on my *** as a thank you. Oh well, tomorrow's another day.