Hi,
I was diagnosed with PTSD two years ago, after starting at University. I was eighteen and had just left my mother's house a few months prior. I left without telling her where I was going or why I was leaving, or even saying goodbye. I left because she was abusive. Physically and emotionally. For a while, I had the usual symptoms of PTSD. Now it's a bit different; I'm experiencing the "avoidant" symptoms much more strongly. I'm quite dissociated; all my experiences have the same "dreamlike" quality that began to occur during the abuse. I no longer have flashbacks; instead, I live with social anxiety and crippling guilt that I somehow wronged my mother by leaving. Part of me is even convinced that none of it ever happened (I have the scars to prove that it did). It seems as though my mind is unwilling to consciously face what happened to me, despite my desire to do so. I feel almost nothing about the abuse, and I've lost a lot of my memories of the events. It's like I'm living in some sort of dark, cloudy fugue with a terrible sense of dysphoria, self-loathing, worthlessness, and anxiety but the root of these feelings is completely inaccessible, and my grasp on reality has suffered.

My questions are these:
Is there anything I can do to help myself confront the feelings and memories my mind is so intent on avoiding/repressing?
How can I alleviate the guilt I feel about removing myself from a traumatic relationship? How can I feel like what happened to me was actually wrong (as opposed to feeling like a "wimp" for not being able to "tolerate" the trauma)?

Any input you may have that could perhaps give me some ideas or at least make me feel less alone in feeling this way is greatly, greatly appreciated.