Thank you all for your advice. It has really helped alot. I talked to him about this last night. I said that I was really looking to settle down and start a family. He is not a good boyfriend, his values are different than mine, there is NO WAY IN HELL we can raise a child together.. What if he does sober up, and someone dies in his family ,or he loses his job and it causes a relapse, do I want to have a child to think about when his drug habits begin tormenting me and making me unstable again, NO WAY!!! I will not put my child through that. It emotionally and mentally drains me, that is not good for your child to see. I told him I didn't think it would work out because of all these reasons............it was silent, he stayed on the couch and we went to sleep. He woke up and went to school and kissed me goodbye.....That is difficult because I love him, I just can't handle the reality of the situation but I am facing it. He is not facing it by acting as if I didn't say any of it. He probably wont even bring it up if I don't bring it up today.. I wish he would say, your right I understand. I will find somewhere else to live and deal with my problem. Maybe one day when I can get my act together we can try again. But no, he just makes excuses and says but, but, but, but this, but that. It makes no difference to me, I don't need his excuses. I want him to be humiliated and sorry. But your right, he won't stop unless something happens to make him want to. IF carrying me into the ER when I wasn't breathing and seconds away from losing my life isn't enough to make him stop, what is??? I can't wait for something to happen to make him want to stop, he has plenty of reasons but is too dumb to see it...And I certainly can't help him if he's lying....maybe he' not lying, maybe Im paranoid...I am resentful because that drives me crazy..its his fault I feel that way, I don't trust him. He acts as if he doesn't understand . I will not be able to get through to him whether I stay or leave him. He will not change if he doesn't understand. he says but Im not doing it as much as I used to, I only took Tramadol, I just shot up that one time ( this was 2 weeks ago) because I was drunk, "So I ****ed up" give me a break, why are you freaking out now this happened 2 weeks ago he says...Im like WHAT?!!! he has no clue how this affects me.. I can't believe he is asking me why I don't trust him after he shot up 2 weeks ago and just 5 days ago he took tramadol which he in NOT prescribed. Its so hard for me to believe that he really just doesn't get it. Its like he will tell me he knows its wrong but he does it any way or justifies it by saying he is not as bad as he used to be. If he knows its wrong then why won't he admit he needs treatment no matter how seldom or often he does it. I have little tolerence for this now and whether its 2 times a week or 2 times a month he needs professional help in my opinion.