Thank you both for your responses. I have tried to explain my inabilty to talk to the therapists and they all understood for awhile and didn't push. I think they thought that eventually I'd get used to them or trust them or whatever and be able to talk more.. but that's just never happened. One therapist's idea was to write down some feelings and events but that seemed almost just as hard :[

polyprotic, if you can easily find the title or author that'd be interesting to read and possibly helpful but you don't have to worry too about it if it's too much trouble. I don't want to put you out of your way!

The alienation IS the worst. I have in the past found it helpful to read what other people have to say and to know that others have had similar experiences.

This just is so hard because I really really DO want to talk to somebody. I want somebody.. anybody to hear me, but I just can't.