fayerody, thank you for listening and responding. I don't feel like I am in perpetual crisis because I have used these "pretending" skills as a coping mechanism since I was 3 years old. Each identity I slip into is required for the situation at hand.(Although sometimes it is difficult to switch back and forth quickly, quietly, & with full effect) I refuse to take medication because then I feel like I am not in control. I understand that I have chemical imbalances but from having the control taken away from me at such a young age, I strongly feel the need for control through "self-talk" "imagery" "meditation" etc. I have read that "intergration" of DID is the recognition and acceptance of the fact that you have it and understanding the key roles these "identities" have/had/will play/ed in your life. I guess what I am trying to figure out is who is the "core" individual of my identity? I don't know if I will ever figure it out!