You stated that you feel it is painful as you expect it to be painful. Perhaps you could see like a sex therapist about sexual intimacy and the ways and exercises to help you with the feelings of expectations of pain before sexual intercourse. I have never been to a sex therapist but it may help. Also, maybe there are some books on the subject. Dr. Ruth Westhiemer wrote a lot of books on sex and sexual issues. Hope things get better and you find and alternative to the current issues.

Take Care,
kk101