Thanks Jan, I think my problem REALLY lies in the field of DENIAL! I figure if I keep telling myself that I am fine, my subconcience will believe it. But when I come down off my fluffy cloud, I realize that I am not fine and I do need help. I also have problems asking for help because I "pretend" that I am strong and confident and in control ALL THE TIME!(It's quite exhausting) I want to be "well" so badly that if I call my T, I feel like I am not strong, confident,and in control and therefor I must be WEAK and VULNERABLE.....therapy is very scary for me. I always cry and have flashbacks and I am a wreck afterward. So I read a lot and I am quite enjoying being a part of this forum.