before having the diagnosis you lived, you were able to do thing (some better than others if you are like me). The only thing that is going to change now with knowing the diagnosis is - how you handle knowing the foot long lable. You're still you and still able to do things. As for how you do those things Thats going to get better. You are not going to lose yourself or any of your memory states (alter, personality, parts, fragments, memory states which ever term you and your therapist decides to use during your treatment plan). My therapist that got laid off was with me from feb 2001 -march 2004. She started figuring out that I was DID with in 6 months of my starting to see her so I disclosed who diagnosed me and so on. Her first reaction too was to ask me if I would consider seeing someone else because she knew nothing about DID. We decided to stay together and work at developing a DID program for me. The resourse list that I posted is a part of what we had done during our 4 years together. You can find more info about my therapy plan we put together at NAMI on the message board called - living with a personality disorder. There I am known as katherine and the post subject line says - DID. Since NAMI is not exclusive to non- professionals your therapist may know the site already. There are loads of specialists, facilities and survivors out there willing to help you and your therapist develop the plan that is right for you. After my therapist was laid off and then we made the decision to drop our therapy time together I was given a therapist that works with DID. And for me nothing changed. I still work the same program - journalling, art work, and so on. Im actually having a good time (well as good as you can have with a therapist). Everything my past therapist and I did just winging it with research and contacting specialists and doing workbooks brought me to a point that is so much farther ahead of my present therapist other clients that we joke that I am always a step ahead of her. I always come in to my therapy sessions with what I want to do and how. For example one of my projects I came up with was building a three foot high cardboard version of the house I grew up in. I am making sort of wall paper with white typing paper based on a nightly night mare that I have. I know the nightmares starting point and there is more to it then I remember after waking up and it is most likely from an actual situation that happened that I cant remember. At my next appointment my therapist and I are putting the house together (we had to take it apart when she moved from one building into another.) and putting in the wall papers depicting the nightmares walls, floors and so on. Then if I don't chicken out my plan for the appointment after that is for me to use my relaxation techniques and my therapist does a lightening round of questions based on what she sees in the house and works our way past the point that I cant remember after waking up. You might say its my version of the rollplay and self hypnosis smashed in together. DID therapy is hard but if you can keep looking for the humorous side it makes it ssoooo much easier. Another thing that helped me is that my therapist and I included my best friend in my therapy program. The thiings my friend and I did for the sake of therapy was at times quite comical like going to mcdonalds and going though the play equipment because my therapy assignemnt was to go to a playground and watch the children play, find one at an age that I was abused and write on what I would say to her if she told me someone was hurting her, that she was to blame and she didnt know how to have fun. then actually play on the equipment and then write how it felt. WE HAD A BLAST. two adults going through kiddie tubes and slides while being completely aware it was so much fun that I still do it at least once a month to remiund myself I was not to blame and there is nothing wrong with having fun. My friend also helped me with workbook exercises in the book amongst ourselves where I had to chart my memory states. Im what my therapists call amnesiac - I have no idea what happens during the time I am mentally in my safe place and my body is running on automatic pilot of memory states. So when ever my friend found herself with me in a memory state she got the info needed-name, likes, dislikes and so on to fill in the chart. The point I am making is DID therapy does not have to be the tear your heart out type of therapy. Its what you and your therapist makes it based on what you need to heal, and what you put into it. so please relax. It's going to be ok no matter what therapist you have as long as you are willing to put in the time and work to get things done. How you get the work done is up to you - just talking, or journaling, artwork, craft projects what ever you want to put into it its YOURS to run with. And yes we had a back up - my therapist supervisor. My present therapist works specifically with DID and she also has what is called supervision meetings and her supervisor for me is the same one my past therapist had to see. Normally she does have a different supervisor but thought it best to keep the same one for me. I consider this supervisor to be my guardian angel. She doesn't know me face to face but she has gone to war for me against a DHS caseworker that was putting me through harrassment and so on. and she has never steared my past therapist or present one wrong in the total of 5 and a half years she's been on the case.

If I can go through this and come out on top ANY ONE can.

take care