Notz, how I hurt for you. I share so much about the joy of having my son and I never feel guilty for I know you enjoy sharing with me. But I do so wish that you could of had the same. I don't really know what to say. Other than that I really hurt for you. How I wish things could have been different.
My love to you always.

PS. I know that sharing a post like this is huge for you and I wanted to add that this little inner glimpse at you is welcomed, even if it hurts.