I wanted to reply to everyone's responses, but I talked to my boyfriend again. I think there was a misunderstanding. I don't know. I just don't know anything anymore. I thought he said he's okay with me going away for 1 year. But now he seems to not be okay. He asked me if I email a school about 2 year online program so I can study at home, and I said I thought we agreed that I'd do the 1 year. And he asked "I said I thought it was best to do the 1 year?" Now I'm doubting my reading skill, did I really see him say that he was okay? What's wrong with me? Did I interpret what he said wrong? I think he got mad at me. I can't tell through online talking. He just turned cold the kind of "it's ok, I don't care" and I'm scared. I just need his help in deciding what'd best way for us. I'm just scared. I don't know what to do. I'm confused. I can't tell reality anymore. I can't tell what's my fault, what's not. I'm so confused.
I'm not gonna cry. I told myself I'm not gonna cry. He hates it when I cry, so I'm not gonna cry. I dont want my sister and my mom worry about me either. So I can't cry. I know my friends would be hurt seeing me like this, so I can't cry. No, I've gotta smile and recollect myself, and maybe I'll be able to think straight and clearly, and come up with a solution.
Don't worry about me everyone. I just...don't know why I started typing nonsense. I'm gonna go and calm down. I'm gonna email a school about their online program.
I am in no mental condition to go to med, or be anyone's doctor.