lightbulb moment in therapy today.

difficult to express but will try.

I (__zh adult female) had a completely WOW moment when my therapist said something about resentment. Information was being relayed that was revelatory to me about inner workings. (sometimes wonder if this is what alcoholics who black out feel like when hearing about things they have NO recollection of)

As therapist was going on about something I interrupted with a question 'people don't resent themselves usually do they?' and the response was 'no, people generally resent any number of things but not themselves...self-hatred and dislike are very different from resentment.'

I was floored by this. It made perfect sense for so much confusion I've had. Over the years dealing with major depression and PTSD and all the other jolly fun things I've faced I thought all negative inner talk could be chalked up to the diseases/disorders.

I have my own issues of insecurity, self doubts, negative feelings directed at self and so on.......but not resentment. People deal with shame, guilt, anger, fear, and so on but self resentment? or other self resentment in this case? So much is obvious to many yet this was discovering sliced bread for me today.

I have no idea if this makes sense yet this understanding was hugely important and shifted much inside that will later show the changes from such a large piece of the puzzle being found.

I was told to be like a union negotiator in my approach to this inner crowd and firmly compromise as best able.

I guess I'll learn how.

Today's session was crystal clear to me after a certain point. It feels strange to feel so solo at the moment as after this talk with therapist inside went silent and into the chambers. So right now it is very much me and feels odd. Also weird to write in the non plural but it was necessary in expressing my thoughts separate from the collective.