I definitely do not think you are a bad mother. I firmly believe that you have the right to say -No- to anything at all. You get to have all your feelings, you get to make choices, you get to do what is right for you. No matter what anyone else thinks.

My son is now 25 years old, I raised him as a single mom. I can relate to much of your experience that you have posted here. I understand and empathize.

If you actually wanted to go again, there are things you can do with your thoughts etc. that might help.

If you don't want to go, for any reason or no reason at all, you don't have to. You fully get to say -No-, however works for you, with any excuse or no excuse that works for you.

You are a worthy human being and a good mother and you get to have your own preferences, likes and dislikes. You get to choose how you spend your energy and time.

Sarah