My abusive mother called today. Luckily the sound on my phone was off so I didn't pick up. I got so angry when I heard her message. It was so obvious from her voice on the phone that she was just calling because she wanted to complain and get emotional support from me. It made me so mad. Furious. She only calls when she feels lonely and wants support. But wont do anything to connect with people HER AGE! I supported her emotionally when I grew up (pretty much my whole childhood). But she never supported me. No one ever supported me. And they still don't. Not that I want them to. Now I just want to be left alone. It makes me feel guilty, like I'm a bad daughter. I really just want to break off all contact. If I knew I could do this and still have contact with my brothers I might. No one ever cares about what I need. They just expect me to keep giving and giving and giving without any time or care for myself. Why didn't they ever care about me. Why didn't my dad ever stop her from abusing me?

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Am I really supposed to care about someone who told me I should **** my brains out? I can't even stand to be near her. It makes me feel dirty and disgusting. Why did my dad let it happen? Why didn't he ever say anything? Try to protect me? At what point is it your job to step up and protect your child from your spouse? A job he never felt was required of him. I hate myself. That is what their actions have left me with. It has left me with a feeling that no one will ever love me and there is no reason they ever should. I feel like there is no reason to keep trying. I feel so alone. I feel like I'm just bothering everyone.