Hi kd and thank you for caring enough to respond. The reason I don't see my T only in dire crisis is......if I am to be completely honest is pain and fear. The pain comes when I talk about my past and fear that I will back-slide from all the progress I think I've made. I have learned to cope by being what family/society wants/needs me to be. Unfortunatly it leaves me with a very empty feeling of wondering who my "core" person is? I can feel a person inside me that wants to be "the leader" that is a really good person that wants to come out. But everytime she peeks her head out she is knocked down by the others who are so much stronger than her and she weeps desperately hoping that one day she can be strong enough to be the leader.

Until then............