Well, I don't broadcast to the general public that I am bipolar, but I do have a psychiatrist. If you cannot trust a doctor in your town, perhaps you could go to a nearby town? I cannot say that I am embarrassed that I am bipolar, but I do not generally tell people because they have a very skewed idea of what bipolar is and really mental illness in general. I am not at a place where I can go around educating everyone I tell, so I just don't tell anyone. That being said, I don't go out much. I'm at a place where I don't leave my house more than absolutely necessary. But even my sister doesn't know what my diagnosis is, just that I take meds and I see a psychiatrist (pdoc). The first major thing you are going to have to figure out is how to get to where you are not so much concerned about what your doctor may think of you but how he can help you. I'm impressed you've done so well for so long without meds. Its very hard to control bipolar with any medication, so you've done a good thing so far. I wouldn't recommend trying to go on forever with out meds though.