Why,

I am not an expert in what to do to help you, but after reading your post today, I had 3 thoughts:
1. Do you have a T and have you discussed these thoughts with him/her?
2. I'm the mom of 3 kids in college. They all agree that college is SO much better than high school. There are fewer pressures to conform and be socially popular and much more of a chance to find out who you really are. Give college a try before you start to dread it.
3. I know you don't want it, but I just have to give it to you anyway because I think you could use a good one right now .

We'll be thinking about you. Let us know how things are going.