(((loveregardless))), (((swallace)))

I can relate to the family denial of shame scenario.

My older brother had molested me at 9. I really don't understand why it was (almost seeminly) "allowed" to continue, as my parents were aware to some point, of what older brother was up to with me.

I used to justify it as maybe it was because there were so many of us kids, (7 boys, 3 girls), that maybe they were just too busy to attend to us individually. It wasn't until older brother tried to redirect his behavior from me and onto my younger sister (of 3 years). I just couldn't allow this tohappen to her, so I took the matter to my parents.
I do not recall how parents attended to it, but fortunately, my brother had stopped his behavior entirely and little sister was not harmed as result.

Just out of High school, my older brother had married, joined the Air Force, and seemed to be happy...living a productive and healthy life, which seemed to last for 10 years, or so.
It wasn't long after that when he apparently began to ahve troubles. Arrested two different times for public exposure. He began therapy, which lasted for what seemed to be an eternity...years upon years of it. Although (I don't recall) him resorting to further public display then, he did begin to behave...(if this is possible) as though he was getting "too much" therapy, or possibly the wrong kind of therapy. I cannot really say, as I've never received therapy, so I am absolutely ignorant regarding that.
It just seemed he had changed, but not exactly for better.

At any rate, about 10 or so years ago, my brother , (then visiting another brother in Las Vegas), was driving about and discovered a 13 year old mentally challenged girl who was walking with her bike, (apparently, one of the tires had flattened).
He had picked her up to assist her with her flat tire on her bike, drove her to the outskirts of the city and pleasured himself in her presence. Drove her back to her home, where her parents were out front with the police, reporting her absence.
My brother was immeditately arrested for kidnapping and sexual misconduct with a minor child.
He was sentenced to 25 years without possiblility of parole in the State of Nevada.
There is a twist to this story. Because he was a resident of the state of California at the time of his arrest, California laws were also applied, (he was extrodited to California, put on trial, and convicted for the same crime), which resulted in another 25 to life sentence).
IF my brother lives long enough (he's now 53) to complete the Nevada term, he will immediately be sent to California to live out the remainder of his years there.

Ironically, my entire family turned their back on my brother except for my younger sister and myself. This is where I'm somewhat confused about how the denial of family shame comes into play.
The only two people that he actually violated (well, he tried to with my sister), are the only ones who see it for what it is...A family memeber who needs our support.
The shame that he brought into the family is not spoken of amongst us, despite my past efforts of discussing with them. They want no part of it.

A very sad situation for my brother. Even thought he brought this upon himself, that is no cause for disowning him as a memeber of family. I love him no less.

Shangrala