Hi. I went to a big high school. But surprisingly, there went very many lesbians or bisexual women, so it was really hard for me to find a potential girl to be in a relationship with. Then when there's these small numbers, there's even fewer good ones to find. I've had a crush on many straight women. It's not very fun, and it makes you feel worse about yourself. I've also had three failed relationships due to my mental health problems, mostly depression when I was a teenager. But I realized that they were never good for me anyway, because they couldn't understand me. I think it's more than your depression here. It sounds also like low-self esteem and maybe a little social awkwardness. It also may be because you just feel different from other people. I have been there myself.

Usually when I am with a bigger crowd, I tend to get quiet. Well, for instance, in high school I hung out with this girl (who is actually my brother-in-law's girlfriend now). Well, I was fine when it was just me and her or my other friends I knew well. But whenever she had some of her other friends over sometimes I could hardly talk at all (it was really just these certain people usually). One time, this other girl actually said something about me and my other best friend right in front of us. She was like "Don't these two ever talk?" or something of that sort, this was about 5-6 years ago. It was very embarrassing.

What help me years before this, was for one going on Paxil and two an exercise/homework my old therapist gave me. She told me to just say hi to 5 people at school in one day. That year, I had the most friends I had ever had, even though I still had problems. But the next school year I didn't put myself out there as much as I had that year, so I started becoming more reserved again.

Anyway, you are not crazy, don't let your depression make you feel like you are. Crazy is only crazy in the observer's eye. People only think things or other people are "crazy" because it's not "normal" to them in particular. Now that I have a child my feelings on this social awkwardness have changed very much. I realized we were all once almost the same. We were all babies at one time and did a lot of the same things. It's hard to feel awkward when you change diapers everyday, and realize everyone around you used to have there diaper changed to, lol.

Anyway, just try to relax and try to talk to the girl again. Or maybe write her note to tell her how you feel, if it feels much more comfortable. Take risks to socialize, try not to feel like you are making a fool of yourself. Your depression may have just kept you quiet for so long that you just feel weird speaking. Either way, if this girl can't understand you, maybe she's not worth the energy. So try telling her the truth. Don't you know how common anxiety and depression are? It's not so crazy, maybe she'll understand.