Worst news ever today or yesterday really. My father's girlfriend broke up with him. I feel like I should really be happy for his pain. Because of all the pain he gave to me. And finally after 7-8 months, this woman has realized what a terrible man my father is. I should be happy that she has rid herself of him and his abusive ways. But mostly, I'm in shock and I'm hoping she'll take him back. This is what he's wanted his whole life. This is why he's was abusive to me...I think? Because he's been constantly rejected by women over and over. Well, who would want to be with a man like him? Well, I'm mad at her. I'm so mad. Because now, my father is moving back in. AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No, he can't!!!!!!! I can't deal with this! How could I??? She put him back in my life where I don't want him or need him, and he could hurt me and my son. Why did she do this to us?

I was hoping he would stay away until I can get out. Even though, he's still, I assume, at risk of this house being foreclosed. And now he has warned me three times in the past week that I need to leave. I'm so mad, because I can't deal with him being here. I'm going to start having more and more memories come back. I'm going to be hiding in my room again. I don't want him around my son at all, let alone everyday. And since, I will try to keep him in my room as much as possible, it is going to anger my father much further.

Not only this, but whenever my father was rejected in the past he has leaned on me for support. Even when I was a little girl and I assume this is how the SA started with him. He is a deprived addict and no one is willing to be with him, because he is a s*** b**. So therefore he had to take it from a defenseless, quiet little girl. Now I know that this needing of support by the adult to the child is considered emotional incest, as I have read in this book I have read parts of. Since it puts the child in a position they can not take on. I am not responsible to take care of my father's emotional problems. I am not responsible to listen to his problems about his love life. and I know that he is going to expect sympathy from me. I know he is only going to mope around, and I'm going to have to clean up after him.

No!!! I've had enough!!! He has taken enough from me. With my soft heart, how the heck am I supposed to guard against his manipulation? He knows how to get to me and get under my skin so that I'll offer him a shoulder to cry on. But I can't do it now, I just can't. He's not my responsibility to take care of. He's hurt me enough, why should I offer him sympathy for his pain?? And now I know he'll ask me for more. For more money that I don't have, for more of anything that he can take from me!

This is what my mother told me about people like him. "They'll suck you dry until you have nothing left to give them, and then spit you out like garbage." This is what he does. He tells a sob story, and then acts like he's crying. He knows then, I'll offer him some money or to cook for him or clean for him to "cheer" him up. He never cheers up and he never acts like I tried to help. Sometimes when he's taken me to the store, he'll get out his money and count it in front of me and then say "sadly" to himself, "Oh, I only have $__." So that I'll buy his food. I'm nearly broke. I'm looking into as many places that could provide me with housing as I can. I may have to look at shelters soon. I can't deal with this. How can I guard against this manipulation?