I was raised by 2 very emotionally draining and manipulative people, my mother and grandmother. I can totally relate! I was agoraphobic from the age of 15-22 (still have some tendencies), so I was trapped. Thing is, once I forced myself out of the situation (luckily I had a friend here in Brooklyn who helped me out... I'm from WA, originally), my family realized that they had to change their behavior toward me or else they wouldn't have contact with me at all. I had to change 1st in order for them to change their behavior... my mom and I are actually FRIENDS now! Unfortunately, you are in one crappy situation having to rely on this man for a roof over your and your son's heads... I know how stressful having a constant threat of losing your home can do to you... it's just unbearable! but if your father is dangerous (it seemed implied as you are voicing concern for your son's welfare), then maybe a shelter is a safer bet till you can find a more stable situation. Your kid's safety is #1 priority. Sad truth is no matter what you do, some people just don't have it in them to change. Once you do get out of your situation, if your father is really that far gone, keep your contact with him to a minimum. He'll either improve or he wont. And don't beat yourself up over the guilt of being angry. It's not her you are angry at, it's the situation. There's a big difference.