Wow, did I just write this post? LOL. Sounds just like me, except that I'm in my second long term relationship.

I have anxiety. Not attacks. That kinda anxiety where you take your thoughts, AND RUN WITH THEM. One little thought, which starts out as as nothing more than innocent, can turn into the most horrible story in less than 5 minutes.

As of now, I haven't quite figured out THE ANSWER to this problem. But let me tell you this:

1. Thinking in such ways could make you turn your radar up REAL high, thus making you hypersensitive to finding and recognizing words and actions of others that will somewhat FULFILL your negative thoughts, proving you "right" (even if you're NOT right, you might THINK that you are). (E.G.: One time I found my b/f's underwear in the living room on the sofa (he NEVER undresses in the living room), and I know he went out with his friend the night before, so I WONDERED if they took girls back to his place and he had sex with someone else. Yes, this actually happened to me once, and I really had this thought. Yet my b/f of 2 yrs. has NEVER given me any true reasons to believe that he is or was cheating on me. I'm not stupid. I logically know that he didn't sleep with anyone. I never had a feeling. Our relationship was going PERFECTLY AT THAT TIME. And what did that do? I tried to keep my negative thoughts/anxiety in, but it caused some tension on that day b/c I ended up bringing it up. It blew over fast, but in the longrun, things like this DO affect relationships. Some people never forget stuff like this-- like my b/f-- and it will come back to bite you and your relationship in the butt.)

2. I believe that the only way to change such thoughts is getting some form of CBT. Now, I have a psychotherapist and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her, and she's helped me SO much so far, but she doesn't do CBT. I hear a lot of good things about it, though. Seems as if you might have to consciously re-train the patterns of your thoughts. I don't know how true or real this is, but I BELIEVE that certain ways and patterns of thinking started a long time ago for a lot of us, and that they are burned into our brains. It's just a bad habit. We gotta learn how to break them somehow. Retrain our brains.

3. In my OPINION, (and from my experience), telling your boyfriend about your issues of thinking negative things and worrying that the relationship will fail... will only backfire on you and cause harm to the relationship. Why? Because while you can talk to him about things, is he TRULY going to understand what's going on, and think to himself, "Hey, she just has issues with negative thoughts... she thinks we're gonna end miserably, but that's OK, I understand." It's easier said than done. You might make him feel as if you're not trusting the relationship, not trusting him, not trusting that your relationship is strong enough, not trusting that he loves you and cares for you, and so on. I don't know if this will happen to every relationship, but I think it's happened to mine (going through some issues right now w/ my b/f).

Anyway, I'm glad you posted this, and look forward to hearing more responses. I really think that this is an issue that you (and people like us) have to CONSCIOUSLY work on, on a day-to-day basis. Good luck.

EDIT: One more thing! I tend to think that if I worry about "WHAT IF's" right now, then it wouldn't be so hard for me if those "what if's" really do happen. Well, I was WRONG. Don't waste your time dwelling on the what if's. If they do happen, then you deal with them when the time comes. Believe me, worrying about them NOW when they DO NOT EXIST does NOTHING for your quality of life. You don't have to be ignorant as to the what if's, either. It's normal to know that bad things can possibly happen. But it's what you DO with that knowledge that matters. You think it once and say, "Oh well, only time will tell. Things are good now, so there's no point in worrying," IS THE RIGHT WAY. But if you take your thoughts, your anxiety, and RUN WITH THEM, then that's where you're messing up. I know, I know, it's hard. But if you don't work on these issues now, believe me, you'll be dealing with them for so long one day, that you're just gonna say, you know what, F-this. I know it's happened to many people, and I'm kinda going through that now. But no one should have to wait until they're ready to burst from unhapiness and misery. I hope you can fix things now, before they get worse.

GL!