Melba, I can relate to what you're saying (I think) and I'm sorry that life is like that. I also yearn for what my Ts can't give me, but if they could, it wouldn't be right, somehow, because we can't go back to the "Mommy is me; I am Mommy bliss of infancy" whether we had that or didn't have it.

Did you read the book "Necessary Losses" by Judith Viorst? It's an old book. Her description of that stage of bliss was so "right on" for me . She says everyone goes through that. It's a "necessary" loss, one of many. It's not a depressing book, though, and it's one of my favorites. Maybe it would help you. My Ts have told me I want to merge with them, that I was stuck at the stage where you see yourself as separate from mother.

Will you discuss this visualization with your T?