Thank you to all of you for your input!! It is so comforting to know that there are others who can relate. My oldest child is in his senior year of high school and once I have done my duty of making sure my children have an education to go out into this world, I can work on myself. I am afraid to "fix" this problem as I am afraid I will fall apart. When I talk to my T about the abuse(she is awesome!)it brings the flashbacks,pain, anxiety, nightmares, and depression. I am not ready yet to "feel" all that yet. My husband does not understand and does not have the capicity to help.(I am divorcing him after son graduates H.S.) I need a close support system to "fix" this problem, someone to hold me, someone to kiss me and love me and let me know they will be there for me and everything will be alright. My husband gives me one obligitory kiss every morning before work and that's it! I find myself to be very edgy lately, snapping at him and hateing him for not being able to be the support system he knows I need. I have been married for 20yrs and I've had enough! It's GREAT to know I have all of you as my support system and when I am ready to take the GIANT LEAP OF FAITH, I hope you will all be here to give me a "virtual" hug. It means a lot to me. God Bless!