There is definitely nothing to be embarrassed about, this an illness and a treatable one. You need to get in touch with a Doc that you can trust 100% as this is your life and you deserve the best. I am an RN and if any of my collegues found out about my bipolar and the rage I have within me and the suicidal thoughts thay would probably not believe it-they dont need to know. My boss knows as I had to tell him so I could get off doing night shift. No sleep for me =instant hypomania.
There is no shame in having this illness however people just dont need to know as there is still some stigma surrounding mental illness.
I hope you get help soon, no-one deserves to suffer.
Bipolar is a chemical imbalance of the brain it is as real as any physical illness. One psych nurse told me that mental illness is like having a head injury it can take a long time to recover but there is always hope that they will in the end get the combination of meds right for that person