I am so sorry. I know I keep replying to my own thread. I am having a hard time, and I know everyone probably thinks it's stupid (because it is) but I need to talk to someone and it can't be T, you know??

I dreamt about T all night. I had one dream that he was working at home chiseling cement and he cut of his toes In that dream, I thought he had just sprained his ankle and when I found out what had happened I was so sad. In another dream, his leg was gone below his knee I also dreamt that I talked to him on the phone and he said he had mainly just scratched up his face a lot. I think not knowing is scary to me. In two years and three months he has NEVER canceled an appointment for being sick or whatever, so this feels like it must be a big deal. Ugh.

I will probably bake him a loaf of bread today. It will be okay with him, and it will give me something to do that helps me feel connected to him.

This is one of those times that the boundaries suck. I am grateful for them, and the fact that T self-discloses while keeping all of the support going from HIM to ME is huge and good. But right now, I wish we were just two normal people and I could call him to ask "what happened?!" and to see if I can help in some way. BLAH.