Onlysad - Welcome Psych Central. You aren't alone - there are many of us who feel the way you do, but we find peace and acceptance here at PC. Do you have a therapist or a psychiatrist that you see on a regular basis? If you do I hope that you share with them what you just shared with us.

I don't SI, but I've been through everything else that you mentioned. I'm BP II - my meds help to keep me stable - some where in the middle of happy and sad....if that makes any sense to you. Are you on any meds? And if you are are you taking them? Meds have made all the difference in my life. Like I said it's stabelized me mentally.

If you don't have a therapist perhaps you could talk with a coulselor, minister, or family doctor about how you are feeling.

I hope you keep posting and let me know how your doing! A lot of people here care and will help you to the best of their/our ability. {{{{hug to you}}}}