This boy that I speak of, is friends with my son. I shall call him D and my son, J. Both J and D are 15 years old and it is for D that I am very concerned.

I do not know much about NVLD(Non- verbal learning disorder) but D seems to sometimes display the same traits as I do(I have Aspergers). He does not make eye contact, he lacks facial expression and his tone of voice is flat. The flip side to it which is nothing like what I seem to experience is, that he lies without knowing it, he acts out compulsively (walking out of class, setting fire to the sports oval, talking back to teachers and calling them names and so on), he has been suspended from school at least 30 times in the last 2 years and the only reason he hasn't been expelled is because of the NVLD dx.

I understand him on a certain level, despite our obvious age difference and feel a deep sense of protection for him. Maybe he reminds me of my struggle through high school. He seems to have quite a few friends and I find him to be very well-mannered when he is here. He has stuck to our house rules of no swearing, no being out after dark and coming home from the movies with my son when I have told them too. He has never acted up for me. But it is that way when you are not their parents, no?

So, he is capable of following rules and understanding consequence. He seeks to do the right thing even if it eludes him in reasoning. He is kind, considerate and does not display emotion(doesn't mean he is not feeling it). I get that on so many levels.

And this is where I feel useless, hands tied behind my back. His parents have had it. D is hurting other members of the family, namely the younger child. There are four children all up in this family. He is destructive, explosive and laughs at everything. I cannot imagine what it must be like to live with that kind of fear, as parents, from one of your own children. But from what I have observed over the last 2 years is the lack of continuos boundaries, the disagreements in discipline policy between parents and so on. I have also seen these parents approach this in a less than holistic way despite their obvious intelligence(the father is a scientist).....discounting therapies because it did not fit into their ethos, when their child is not them and needs to be approached as an individual case with different needs and wants.......and so on.

I do not want to turn this into judgement.......but I so struggle with the logic, or the lack thereof.

They have taken him to a psychologist(finally!!) and told D that he has 4 months to turn his behavior around or they will give him to the State.......oh my heart breaks, for all of them........

4 months is not long enough for this child to learn consequence, self-love and self-esteem and whatever other issues he is dealing with. I have great fear that he will end up traversing a very dangerous path of self-loathing and devastating feelings of abandonment......that he will never know what it is to love himself because he has never been given the tools.......so much so, that I had a very disturbing dream about it last night after speaking to the father yesterday. I only wish I had the resources to house this child for 6 months in collaboration with the parents, to give everyone a break and to come up with better solutions........

I cannot describe the discord that plagues me, the deep ineffectual nature of my circumstances.......the inability to protect this child and the almost paranormal comparisons I can make with my own teenage-hood to his.

I am disturbed........and understand the very delicate nature of this situation.

My heart breaks at my impotence........

Michah