I am sorry you are having a difficult time. I am pretty open about being bipolar. When I was diagnosed I was happy to put a name to the problems I was having. I know it is an illness, that it isn't my fault, it doesn't mean I am weak or a failure and that it is treatable. Having someone tell you to "cheer up" or "get over it" is the worst. This is not something we can handle alone and frankly we shouldn't have to try. Maybe your family or at least your husband could go to an appointment with you once you start seeing a doctor. There is also a lot of reading material available that maybe you could share with them. You need and deserve the support and understanding of those you love. Finding the right doc and right meds for you will make your life so much better, less of a struggle. At my work, my boss, our president, our HR person and some of my friends know about my disorder. It has never been used against me and only makes me feel more supported. I hope you can get the help you deserve and find the peace you need.