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Today as I drove home I realized I am also afraid of separating from T; the desire to be myself is strong, yet so is my desire to be with him.
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Yet you have been separate all along. The awareness of separateness can be distressing sometimes, freeing other times. Being separate just 'is'.
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I want to be myself and I want to be just like T when I grow up!
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And you can be, MissC. You are far more like T now than when you began, don't you think...as you have internalized so much of him.