I have tried to list some of my issues, i've probably missed some out. i-


over analyse everything
don't keep friendships for long
always wondering what people think of me
take jokes way too seriously
after arguments or bad things that have been said about me i think of killing myself
i feel like i have no personality
i feel different to everyone else and feel like i get treated differently because i'm not important
get scared to make the effort with new people because they never like me for long so i don't see the point
always feel left out no matter who i'm with
i feel like i have never been life and soul of the party. i'm always the person who is just there who doesn't really contribute
think about suicide atleast once a day
my mood ranges from high to low every few hours
i am never happy for a full day


How do i go about seeing a proper therapist at a hospital? I am currently having University councelling but I feel that I need to see a proper psychologist because of how much these issues mess up my life. I never feel motivated to do any uni work, I binge drink pretty much everyday to get away from my problems, I have constant fall outs with people and push friends and family away which makes me worse because i feel even more alone then. i always want company but at the same time when i'm around people i can't be myself cos i don't know what that is, and i have nothing to offer a group. i feel like people constantly walk all over me. instead of generally getting upset by people's negative comments like normal people, i come back to my room and plan ways to kill myself. i constantly starve myself to punish myself and i often decide that i am going to starve myself to death. i have also thought of hanging myself, jumping off a building or overdosing. these thoughts come into my mind atleast once a day. and also my mood can go from happy to sucidal with the click of a finger. i don't think i have bipolar or depression, it seems like an even bigger problem.


i feel like i can't get close to people and it seems like everybody around me bonds really well with others and i am just left on the side lines. i feel like nobody cares about me and i am constantly accusing people of this. i feel like nobody wants to talk or see me, i feel i know this for a fact. i often sleep to get away from daily life.


then suddenly i am fine again. i will be hyper and talking to people, this usually lasts a few hours maximum a day then the depressive part of me comes back. i over anaylse people's reactions.


what on earth is wrong with me????