Finding a counselor is not difficult. I don' tknow where you live, but I know there is a church in every community. Talk to a preist. That is where I started. My wife wasn't willing to help me... she was mad and wanted me out and divorced. She didn't expect me to actually fight for this marriage... so it shocked her when I didn't want to end the relationship and I was willing to fight for this marriage. So I called her priest, she's Catholic, I'm not. That is where I started and he gave me a book, the number to some counselors, and some advice. I took all three and ran with it. I lucked out as far as counselors goes, I have a good one this time that I trust and as the experience dealing with someone like me. so start there... church and see where that leads you.
If he is bipolar stage II then he will think he can handle it on his own. I know for me... I didn't realize there were stages, I thought all bipolar was just a single illness and since I didn't have the hullucinations and the major manic episodes like I saw with my brother then I couldn't have bipolar. This time the Dr told me he had dianosed me with stage II and explained better what it was. I've done a lot of research the past week and I nail it almost perfectly. So there is no more denial for me and there is no more self medicating with alcohol. Not that I really did much to begin with because as verbally abusive as I was without alcohol I was far far worse with it. So he needs to stop with the alcohol. He needs to get to the Dr. and you need to go with him, even if he doesn't want you in there with him, call the Dr ahead of time and talk to the Dr about what you are seeing as his mood swings and give him as much detail as possible. Time, date, intensity, examples of the behavior, words, phrases, facial expressions, redness, tenseness, Keep a journal where he can't find it and keep making notes. It will help the Dr and him in the long run.
The wanting help to the pushing you away is normal. I do it all the time and sometimes at the same time. I want so badly for my wife to force her love on me to just hold me, love me, and drag me in to the Drs., but when she tries, I get abusive, harsh and think I don't need the Drs, I can handle my emotions on my own, when in reality I can't. PERIOD! Roller Coasters are normal and until he gets stabilized it is going to be a wild ride,,, YOU have to decide if your love for this man is great enough to see him through, can you hang in during the worse of times to enjoy the best of time? You haven't said if he is physically abusive or not... if he is... get out! he second he becomes physical you are then in over your head and you need to get help fast and get away from him fast... if his mood swings low enough he can hurt both of you.
I've rambled on long enough now... if you want to email me please do I'll help as much as I can... but remember... I am not stablized myself yet... so it my be hard to read what I write.
Rangert