I am waiting for AD to kick in (??) But I'm still dealing with anxiety at night. I have been out of work for a while now. I have been leaning on my dad for money for therapy, pharm. doctor and some bills. I hate having to do that. I haven't felt like working AT ALL. It's a good day when I can take care of the house/shopping/dishes etc. I have felt exhausted most of the time and the idea of going back to retail makes me nauseous. Work has always been awful for me and I have never done anything I have liked. I'd put on a smile for customers (or be filing) and feel dead inside. I am starting to wonder how much this has been tied directly to anxiety and depression. I did well when I went to college for biology and I also love to paint and draw. I know I am capable. But I just don't believe it could ever be tied to my own life. That is for other people. Not me. My future is to go back to a job where I can zone out and watch the hours pass without meaning and wish I were somewhere else. As long as I earn money so I don't have to take another cent. To me, work is supposed to make you sick. I am going over this with T, but there are days when I just can't get it out of my head. Sorry about this long rambling post.