well i really dunno what to say cuz my first one is 12 & i let someone else raise her cuz i chose the bottle for quite a number of years i have a 2.5 year old now & i try my best but the good people here gave helpful advice in that just try all u can do to keep in contact with your kids & dont listen to the verbal abuse & threats. all they are is words coming from someone who has fear u are trying. i know this cuz my hubby is verbally abusive weve been together for 15 years but now that im older i realize its just a bunch of hot air. but you are very brave for telling your situation