Chaotic,
Yes, you describe this desire VERY well. I have these connected moments, and I want MORE of them. Believe me, although I talk a good story, I don't have all that many of these moments either. However, they are becoming more frequent. I used to think it was a fluke, or as you said the planets were aligned but I am coming round to believing that the deep connection occurs when I can BE with him in the room without dissociating, pulling back, becoming my child self, and we CONNECT. Whew, it's worth waiting and working for. As T says, it's the true intimacy that I am afraid of--I think it's because of a lack of real intimacy in my family growing up. I am learning how to be real. It's such a challenge.

Thanks.