Crap. This feels like an episode. I am so triggered.

I am so depressed, angry and I want to overhaul my life right now and make myself better. I think I can resist being impulsive. I do have to do some shopping for a vacation I am taking in a couple of weeks but I am using an account that I have set up for such things so I can't get into money trouble.
I have just had enough. Between moving, diagnosis, our issues, raising a kid with anxiety and depression, raising a two year old, two hospitalizations, an outpaint hospitalization, leaving my job, applying for SSDI and realizing I am disabled, dealing with anxiety and paranoia, med changes, I feel like whining a little. (a lot)
I am about ready to run away. I really need this vacation and I'll have a week with my kids and my sister before my husband arrives. Hopefully a little space will help. If not, I don't know what to do.
I feel like he doesn't love me in a healthy way but in a way that he "loves" his stuff. I feel like he is hoarding me. Someday, I'll be found next to a dead cat under a pile of magazines and he will say, "How did that get there?" (No offense intended for people who have hoarding tendencies.)